My idea for this blog was to take you through my journey “From fit, to fat and back again”. And it sorts of speak for itself.
To use the word fat might not be ethical correct but that is what it feels like.
I can´t even remember the last time I was above 60kg and boobs were normal…
Those days when my body was a tool to perform are gone and gosh I miss them. I miss having control and to know exactually what the next day will look like. Eat, train, sleep, repeat!
Top sport is extreme and my last 10 years have been extreme in every single way. I have trained hard, raced hard, slept hard and travelled hard!
The frustration I feel when my body is telling me to rest is the worst. I used to be filled with energy and all I want to do these days is sleep. I go early to bed, wake up late, take a nap after lunch and fall asleep in the sofa in the evening.
I know this amazing little person growing inside me is going to be the most wonderful thing but right now it´s hard to imagen.
I see all my old teammates laughing and suffering together at camp and that is one of the things I miss the most.
I have friends and family that I love and that loves me back, but there is something special about surviving a rough training together. The satisfaction, the pain you feel when lying on the massage table afterwards, the taste of dinner and then when the evening comes. The simple mind of knowing that tomorrow will be just same.
These last months I have been working hard with finding good routines and to accept this new situation of mine. I miss the “easy” life as a top athlete. But to miss it and to be ready to go back and do the hard work all over again, is a totally different thing. Just to be clear; A comeback from me on the highest level will never happen!
My new goal is to find the right balance in life. The balance between what I have been, what I am and what I will be.